So much weighs on my heart right now. I have spent two days witnessing a grief that is not my own, yet a grief so horrific and heartbreaking that you cannot help but cry along. The stories I have heard and the pictures I have seen are just devastating. They say blood runs down the streets of Port Au Prince into the gutters. For me, its just beyond heartwrenching to think that this happened to an already impoverished nation. I remember my ride here, taking in the streets and how little people lived on, and in less than a minute that little became nothing. Everything they had lies flattened and crumbled, even dead beneath the rubble. I can't wrap my head or my heart around it.
I have been contacted for interviews, and I never know what to say. Often my words are far less articulate then the things weighing on my heart. How can I find the words to describe the gripping fear when the ground moves beneath you and there is absolutely nothing you can do, not a thought that stays in your head for more than a second before giving way to the next frantic thought. How can I describe the anguish on the face of someone who has lost those that they love? How can anything I say possibly make people understand the magnitude of this crisis? Because it can't. And I wrestle with my answers time and time again because they never do justice to the gravity of the situation.
Today, Canadian and American volunteers had the choice to leave. To evacuate on a plane and go home. I couldn't even consider the thought of leaving this place behind. I miss home more than words can say. But I am supposed to be here, and I have no doubt in my mind that God put me here, at this time, in this place, to love kids and to be His hands and feet. And its not always easy, with so few nannies and the loss of one volunteer today to the evacuation, we had extra duties. I think I changed twenty diapers today, and I learned fast that touching poo is not in fact the end of the world! I'm exhausted, but I feel like I have held nothing back, and that is satisfying.
I was the victim of a fifteen kid dogpile today. Did I say victim? I mean recipient. These kids need love so fiercely. So what if I was knocked over and mauled? I wish I could explain the feeling of walking into a nursery full of kids and them surrounding you in a second on all sides, arms outstreched, reaching out for love and affection, crying out so that you'll pick them. And when you go to put them down how they do everything in their power to stay in your arms. My heart has been shattered for these kids, and thats why I stay, because putting a smile on their faces, hearing them laugh... its the most incredible feeling in the world!
PRAYER REQUESTS:
- Faith, so that we remember even when aftershocks occur and the out-of-control feeling returns that GOD is in control
- Rest, we are all weary and emotionally drained
- Peace
- Pray that the orphanage can recieve supplies, we were able to get groceries today but they are unsure that we will be getting water
I have been so encouraged by all the messages and prayers, I am so thankful for everyone =)
No comments:
Post a Comment