Words. Words. Words.
They tumble from my mouth but they feel so useless and so inadequate. To explain such a breathtaking place. To illustrate such a beautiful people. To convey the feeling of a little child wrapping their arms around you.
How does one live a changed life when they return to a society that has not? A society that is seperated from the heartbeak and anguish by a TV screen, and that is worlds apart from the devastation left by rubble and concrete splayed out onto the streets.
I watched a commercial today. A bit ridiculous really, it was about a closet spacesaver. The bold words blared across the screen: "DO YOU HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF?" Yes, I do. I burst into tears for a people that I have seen content with living a simple life. A truly rich life.A people that do not have much stuff at all. I'm struggling with the guilt of falling back into North American luxuries, when I would be so content to be back on the top bunk of the toddler house.
I think I left my heart in Haiti.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
the best feeling
I always wondered what the best feeling in the world could be. And now I know what that feeling is.
We got off the plane after a night of little sleep and lots of diarhea. Descending the plane's steps, we were greeted by the frigid air of the new home of the child wrapped in our arms. Blankets were hastily wrapped around them as we crossed the tarmac into the room of waiting parents. Walking through the door, it was amazing to see the people, eyes eager and wet, arms empty but soon to be filled with the most amazing bundle of joy. I gave my child's name as the volunteer scanned the names on his list and pointed me in the direction of the two people who were waiting for the boy I held in my arms. Choking back my own emotion, I made my way over and smiled, holding out their son. He did not resist the arms that enveloped him, the arms of his family. She looked at me, tears in her eyes, silent gratitude emanating from her as she squeezed my arm. It was the same for the rest of the families in the room. Smiles and tears and bottled emotion spilled over from every corner, and I wonder if I have ever felt so much love and warmth and relief in one place.
I took it in, my own eyes wet, and then walked outside to get my luggage, knowing that it was not anything special to bring with me. Not like what I had just experienced.
We got off the plane after a night of little sleep and lots of diarhea. Descending the plane's steps, we were greeted by the frigid air of the new home of the child wrapped in our arms. Blankets were hastily wrapped around them as we crossed the tarmac into the room of waiting parents. Walking through the door, it was amazing to see the people, eyes eager and wet, arms empty but soon to be filled with the most amazing bundle of joy. I gave my child's name as the volunteer scanned the names on his list and pointed me in the direction of the two people who were waiting for the boy I held in my arms. Choking back my own emotion, I made my way over and smiled, holding out their son. He did not resist the arms that enveloped him, the arms of his family. She looked at me, tears in her eyes, silent gratitude emanating from her as she squeezed my arm. It was the same for the rest of the families in the room. Smiles and tears and bottled emotion spilled over from every corner, and I wonder if I have ever felt so much love and warmth and relief in one place.
I took it in, my own eyes wet, and then walked outside to get my luggage, knowing that it was not anything special to bring with me. Not like what I had just experienced.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Misery Eats Itself
(Inspired by the words of a 12 year old boy named Kelvin... "In Haiti, if you have no money, your misery eats itself"
There lie the shambles of a street that stood the day before
each toppled, turned to rubble,
crumbled into nothing more
Broken bodies sprawled across the street
broken spirits wrestling to breathe
blood running into open gutters
Humanity opens her mouth
to swallow up a forgotten people
but hope that was before forsaken
wont let that mouth close
When they are famished on faith,
and starving for hope
Misery eats itself,
Their misery eats itself
But their voices rise
in a desperate cry
And they reach out their arms,
And You reach back.
With You're arms of love,
Almighty arms of love,
and you hold the broken people
as you whole the broken nation
And people turn to You
when they see the devastation
The earth may tremble, the ground may shake
Hearts may shatter and hearts may break
But You,
You are not moved
A solid rock in which to trust,
a hope that mingles with the dust
You're there, reaching back
With You're arms of love,
Almighty arms of love,
and you hold the broken people
as you whole the broken nation
And people turn to You
when they see the devastation
A peoples cries hardly heard,
WE NEED HELP signs passed and blurred
Desperation falling on deaf ears
Prayers tumbling from broken lips
Did it have to come to this
for You to make Your presence known to them?
Famished for faith,
starved for hope,
longing for love,
Their misery eats itself
Unashamed voices,
Heartfelt cries,
Falling tears,
and outstretched arms.
But You reach back.
He's reaching back with arms of love.
A broken nation on it's knees,
swallowed up in misery
They're reaching
reaching.
There lie the shambles of a street that stood the day before
each toppled, turned to rubble,
crumbled into nothing more
Broken bodies sprawled across the street
broken spirits wrestling to breathe
blood running into open gutters
Humanity opens her mouth
to swallow up a forgotten people
but hope that was before forsaken
wont let that mouth close
When they are famished on faith,
and starving for hope
Misery eats itself,
Their misery eats itself
But their voices rise
in a desperate cry
And they reach out their arms,
And You reach back.
With You're arms of love,
Almighty arms of love,
and you hold the broken people
as you whole the broken nation
And people turn to You
when they see the devastation
The earth may tremble, the ground may shake
Hearts may shatter and hearts may break
But You,
You are not moved
A solid rock in which to trust,
a hope that mingles with the dust
You're there, reaching back
With You're arms of love,
Almighty arms of love,
and you hold the broken people
as you whole the broken nation
And people turn to You
when they see the devastation
A peoples cries hardly heard,
WE NEED HELP signs passed and blurred
Desperation falling on deaf ears
Prayers tumbling from broken lips
Did it have to come to this
for You to make Your presence known to them?
Famished for faith,
starved for hope,
longing for love,
Their misery eats itself
Unashamed voices,
Heartfelt cries,
Falling tears,
and outstretched arms.
But You reach back.
He's reaching back with arms of love.
A broken nation on it's knees,
swallowed up in misery
They're reaching
reaching.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Unexpected Answers
You know what? God has quite the sense of humor.
Before coming, I kept telling everyone I was going to be bringing a kid home with me.... well, now I am bringing twenty!
It reminds me of something Mary Jo, one of the American volunteers, said on the way to the airport on Thursday. She said, out of the blue, "God is so faithful, He always answers prayer." When we asked her what she meant by this, she said "For years, I prayed I would be the one to take one of these children home. Now I get to, but on a larger scale, and not the way I expected."
That really stuck with me.
Before I came to Haiti, I asked God for an experience. I asked Him to stretch me and to break me and to use me. He has done all those things. And in all of those things, not the way I expected.
|
I did not come expecting an earthquake and to go home in two weeks. I came fully intending to hang out with my eight kids a day for two and a half months. But God shook the ground and along with it my expectations, and in so many ways I witnessed God working as I never would have before.
God answered my prayer. My heart is torn, I have fallen in love with Haiti, the people and the land and the children, but He put me here for such a time as this, and now He is calling me home. I know for sure that I will not be saying a final goodbye to this breathtaking country.
"You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy
I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy
Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love"
Before coming, I kept telling everyone I was going to be bringing a kid home with me.... well, now I am bringing twenty!
It reminds me of something Mary Jo, one of the American volunteers, said on the way to the airport on Thursday. She said, out of the blue, "God is so faithful, He always answers prayer." When we asked her what she meant by this, she said "For years, I prayed I would be the one to take one of these children home. Now I get to, but on a larger scale, and not the way I expected."
That really stuck with me.
Before I came to Haiti, I asked God for an experience. I asked Him to stretch me and to break me and to use me. He has done all those things. And in all of those things, not the way I expected.
|
I did not come expecting an earthquake and to go home in two weeks. I came fully intending to hang out with my eight kids a day for two and a half months. But God shook the ground and along with it my expectations, and in so many ways I witnessed God working as I never would have before.
God answered my prayer. My heart is torn, I have fallen in love with Haiti, the people and the land and the children, but He put me here for such a time as this, and now He is calling me home. I know for sure that I will not be saying a final goodbye to this breathtaking country.
"You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy
I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy
Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
Of my unashamed love"
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The hardest goodbye of all
It is impossible not to fall in love with Haiti.
It's in the simple lifestyle these people have, and yet the way they care for each other. It's in the buildings, far from elegant and yet compelling in their humble simplicity. It's in the lush green foliage that envelopes you in its vibrancy. It's in the eyes of the kids, brigthened with joy as they marvel at little things or in their arms as they reach out to be held and hugged.It's in their unashamed praises, the way they lift their voices to the heavens regardles of where they are.
All Canadians are being sent home. We will be escorting the kids going to Canadian families. Yp be honest, I don't want to go. Although it's been a challenging two weeks, I wouldn't change it for anything. I am sad that my adventure is ending so early, but I know God has a plan that I need to trust. He held me through an earthquake and through circumstances I would never have anticipated, and I know He will hold me through whatever comes next.
I will be seeing everyone soon!
It's in the simple lifestyle these people have, and yet the way they care for each other. It's in the buildings, far from elegant and yet compelling in their humble simplicity. It's in the lush green foliage that envelopes you in its vibrancy. It's in the eyes of the kids, brigthened with joy as they marvel at little things or in their arms as they reach out to be held and hugged.It's in their unashamed praises, the way they lift their voices to the heavens regardles of where they are.
All Canadians are being sent home. We will be escorting the kids going to Canadian families. Yp be honest, I don't want to go. Although it's been a challenging two weeks, I wouldn't change it for anything. I am sad that my adventure is ending so early, but I know God has a plan that I need to trust. He held me through an earthquake and through circumstances I would never have anticipated, and I know He will hold me through whatever comes next.
I will be seeing everyone soon!
Friday, January 22, 2010
I will not be shaken.
It is so amazing to me, the bond that can be established in the midst of crisis, tragedy and fear. While the world watched wide-eyed from their couches as news that a 7.0 earthquake devastated impoverished Haiti, we were here, being strong for each other and soothing the tears of frightened children.
I have since said goodbye to the four ladies that strengthened me, understood me, cried with me, and hugged me. I have held children for the last time, letting go only because it means they get to be in the arms of their family. I have found that it takes only a moment for your heart to be swept away in the eyes of a child, but forever to let go of them in your heart. As I watched the plane carrying 37 GLA children to the Netherlands and Luxembourg, along with a girl with the biggest heart I have ever seen, I cried. The tidy little box that I had kept my emotions in for the past week fell apart, and I broke.
I am not afraid of being broken. I am not ashamed that I have been shattered from the things I saw on the streets of Port au Prince, or for the fear I felt and still feel when the ground moves under my feet.
Of all the relationships I have established, the bond that has strengthened most has been my bond with God. In Him, I have found strength I never knew I had. I found the ability to love fiercely. I found a comforter, and arms to run to when I am afraid. I found a rock in which to put my trust.
I keep singing this song. It's a camp song, and the lyrics couldn't be a more perfect fit for these last few days.
I will declare my choice to the nations
Shout for joy in the congregation
I will worship God (worship God)
All my days
Those who love the Lord are satisfied
Those who trust in Him are justified
I will serve my God (serve my God)
All my days
When the nations crumble,
the Word of the Lord will stand
Kings may rise and fall,
but His love will endure
Though the strong may stumble
The joy of the Lord is strength to my soul
I will not be shaken,
I will not be moved
I will not be shaken!
I have since said goodbye to the four ladies that strengthened me, understood me, cried with me, and hugged me. I have held children for the last time, letting go only because it means they get to be in the arms of their family. I have found that it takes only a moment for your heart to be swept away in the eyes of a child, but forever to let go of them in your heart. As I watched the plane carrying 37 GLA children to the Netherlands and Luxembourg, along with a girl with the biggest heart I have ever seen, I cried. The tidy little box that I had kept my emotions in for the past week fell apart, and I broke.
I am not afraid of being broken. I am not ashamed that I have been shattered from the things I saw on the streets of Port au Prince, or for the fear I felt and still feel when the ground moves under my feet.
Of all the relationships I have established, the bond that has strengthened most has been my bond with God. In Him, I have found strength I never knew I had. I found the ability to love fiercely. I found a comforter, and arms to run to when I am afraid. I found a rock in which to put my trust.
I keep singing this song. It's a camp song, and the lyrics couldn't be a more perfect fit for these last few days.
I will declare my choice to the nations
Shout for joy in the congregation
I will worship God (worship God)
All my days
Those who love the Lord are satisfied
Those who trust in Him are justified
I will serve my God (serve my God)
All my days
When the nations crumble,
the Word of the Lord will stand
Kings may rise and fall,
but His love will endure
Though the strong may stumble
The joy of the Lord is strength to my soul
I will not be shaken,
I will not be moved
I will not be shaken!
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